I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
