Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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