so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
