I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
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thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
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There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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