my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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