I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
