Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
