What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
