I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
