I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
