2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
