Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
