and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
