I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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