I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
