My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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