Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
