I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
