awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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