Texts From Last Night

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  (239): View more from Florida

  and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.

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  (239): and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer. http://tfl.nu/xmgi
  Replies (5) Good night (646) Bad night (1952)
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  (916): View more from California

  It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.

  (1-916): View more from California

  That's why you should quit smoking.

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  (916): It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here. (1-916): That's why you should quit smoking. http://tfl.nu/xt8p
  Replies (3) Good night (635) Bad night (2102)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...

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  (469): i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine... http://tfl.nu/msgo
  Replies (34) Good night (13101) Bad night (1044)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.

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  (440): Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know. http://tfl.nu/71w6
  Replies (25) Good night (11458) Bad night (841)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (7106) Bad night (675)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out

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  (660): We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out http://tfl.nu/p80s
  Replies (3) Good night (5370) Bad night (1204)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.

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  (832): He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass. http://tfl.nu/my94
  Replies (14) Good night (634) Bad night (1115)
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable

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  (310): I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable http://tfl.nu/myt6
  Replies (4) Good night (584) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Incredible.

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  (224): He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time. (847): Incredible. http://tfl.nu/oew8
  Replies (6) Good night (1409) Bad night (488)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was

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  (815): Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was http://tfl.nu/efhi
  Replies (3) Good night (868) Bad night (331)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.

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  (813): That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice. http://tfl.nu/27fq
  Replies (6) Good night (373) Bad night (666)
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  (415): View more from California

  If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning

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  (415): If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning http://tfl.nu/qp15
  Replies (0) Good night (806) Bad night (291)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence

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  (240): Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence http://tfl.nu/zd2a
  Replies (0) Good night (490) Bad night (417)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.

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  (717): This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits. http://tfl.nu/qs9c
  Replies (1) Good night (417) Bad night (244)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.

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  (207): well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies. http://tfl.nu/nh48
  Replies (1) Good night (637) Bad night (285)

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