if only i could text you this smell
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.