her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
