So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
and you fell through a lawn chair
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked