I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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