If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.