And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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