i think my tv is drunk
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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