So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just want nice things and good sex
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
