Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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