Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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