a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
