Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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