I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
