Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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