You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
