so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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