I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
This house was built for laser tag.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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