Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
