I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
