last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
