Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
