Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
