I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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