You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
