she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
there is glitter all over my balls
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
