all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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