Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
