you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
