So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
