The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
