you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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