when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
