Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
