I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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