...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Randomize
