Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
