I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
