You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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