Small penises have feelings too.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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