If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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