Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
