I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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