I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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