PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
