chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
