2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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