I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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