Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
