my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
