He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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