he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize