First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
