What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm like, not good at living.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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