Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
