I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I need to align my fucking chakras
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
