I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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