My first STD was from a foam party
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
