DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
