Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
