Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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