does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
