Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
whose parrot is this?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
