My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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