You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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